Hormones and Honey

Grace is almost 5 months old! I would count how many weeks if after I started I didn't get so easily distracted. It's called "mommy brain" I suppose.  To tell you the truth, I feel like a fog has cleared and like some hormones have lifted.  All that postpartum juice racing in my veins after Grace was born combined with regular stress hormones was like spraying a campfire with a gas hose. All balance was unbalanced and all the ducks were unrowed in more one ways than one.
I went to the chiropractor today, my first visit ever. Interesting considering my Grandpa Grow was a chiropractor. I enjoyed the doc and his professionalism and manner was tip-top. When I warned him that I hadn't shaved my legs since my baby was born 5 months ago (I lie, I shaved once. It took hours.) and he was answered back, "Don't worry. Me neither and my son is 13."  I felt comfortable and left feeling adjusted in body and mind. Plus, you know you need more socialization when you talk a stranger's ear off. To do: socialize more for sanity. Being hormonal doesn't help Kris. So I suppose I need the time to socialize. It takes the edge off.

I visited a knitting group and had all sorts of conversations on the topics of babies, motherhood, knitting, canning, diapering, cooking, travel, homes.  It makes me feel like I'm a part of a club now.  Like I belong and can commiserate and share the sacred knowledge of those special mother-baby moments. I chose not to bring up Grace, except to update one friend. There was a moment when a young woman just 4 weeks away from her due date said, "As long as it is healthy, that's all I'll care about." I looked at her and thought about how I said that once, and I said it thinking I couldn't be happy if she wasn't perfect.  Truthfully, I think I'm HAPPIER.  Is that not the craziest thing you have ever heard?

I told her, "I don't know if you know about my situation, but my baby was born with cancer.  But she is doing good and her cancer is going away without treatment. Lots of babies are born with issues and lots of babies get better. You'll love that baby for what it is. A blessing. You won't love it any less because it isn't perfectly healthy."  I suppose I felt her pity, though I tried not to look in her eyes. I got choked up for the first time saying, "Everything will be ok." I needed to hear that and I needed to believe that for myself.  To say it out loud made me emotional.  I believe I am happier because I know just what a blessing I have.

For 2012 I have thought up some resolutions:

• Give without expectation of receiving. Anonymously even. :D
• Listen better. Be a better friend.
• Make more things for those I love with my hands.
• Share my blessings by passing them on.
• Continue to work toward a life that isn't possessed by things or clutter.
• Continue to share Grace's story.
• Live in the moment and love every minute.

To share her story I want people to hear and not be afraid of a boogey man of cancer. It needs awareness, not to be swept away and spat at and used the medieval devil horns on to ward off bad luck.  Cancer can be helped with people's awareness.  I know also that I have a miracle for a baby.  I'm not the norm I suppose.  People need to hear a miracle. I sure do.

I told my chiropractor our story briefly and he knew of it through my sister in law who referred me to him.  He said he'd been praying for us. I needed to hear that yesterday.  I think prayers have worked to send angels into our lives to help and guide and assist and bless us. I need to be someone's angel too, knowingly or not. That starts with 2012 and giving more of myself than I ever have before. Share some of my honey.

LOVE YOU ALL! MORE SOON!

Grace playing with Grandpa Schuff at the Coast 2011 Christmas.

She gave him some really great smiles. :D