Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I lost my mind when I lost my cheese

I wanted to make an effort to eat more protein and veggies for the little tike. I went to the store to get sandwich meat and spinach. I wanted sandwiches and spinach dip.

Simple right? Well I love horseradish cheddar cheese... I paid a pretty penny for it too. And then I left it at the store, got home and searched for it, and I'm pretty sure if someone had been around there would have be strangulation going on. I strangled the carrots.

I'm glad I got protein bars- they should help with the tension headaches and low blood sugar attacks like that where I practically yelled at the deli clerk to give me the cheese already and no I don't want different cheese.

Once I finally got my sandwich I felt much better and much more stupid. My stupid brain!! I wouldn't remember my head if it weren't attached to my head permanently.

I feel different. Not just that my belly is growing. And the zantac I'm taking is rocking my acid stomach world. It's that my mind works different. I'm more tempermental and short. Call it hormones. I am always trying to be compassionate... but I'm letting my bitch flag fly more often. Poor Kris.

We are leaving for the weekend for a chance to be just 2 before we are 3. No tv or computer to interfere. Nature to heal our souls. Quiet and peaceful and being in a place I'd be happy to die with the one true love of my life. I hate the idea of death. I look at everyone and know they will die. It makes me panic. I know I'll leave Kris some day. It kills me. No wonder we all consume and spend and live lives that avoid the truth. It's fucking depressing and hopeless. It makes living more important or more frantic. Or really it makes living a waste and why are we even doing it... see hopeless. It's like a shame spiral and I get this way and then bitchy and wow I am fun to be around.

I can't wait for this weekend. It's going to be so peaceful and restful. And hopefully I'll be very very happy.

No comments: