Thursday, July 14, 2011

I am Cold Stone Creamery

Reeses + lactose free Breyer's vanilla ice cream= A guilty mid day snack

This is just about enough to send me through the roof with guilt. I'm going to ignore that niggling (shouting) guilt that I'm hurting my baby and going to enjoy it.

It is amazing what makes me worry. Ice cream? REALLY? I am just sensitive to controlling my environment and I don't always have days where I'm cool/calm/collected.

But am I happy? Yes. Yes with a capital Y E S! And maybe that's the key. I don't have swollen ankles. I can manage getting sleep. I don't have too much pain in my joints. I have a back ache half the time and her name is Grace. With every pang you learn to thank the lord for such a strong child.

I do occasionally worry what could happen to her. It doesn't go away. I don't think it ever will. Kris has taken his time to grow during this pregnancy. He has grown up and prepared mentally and just in time! I'm getting shakier in my steadiness. That's part of all of this isn't it? Him and I supporting each other. Being each other's rock when we're needed. Give love and support unconditionally and grow in that love. Good thing we have the time and I thank God we had the intentions to move to a more perfect union as a couple.

I believe what my Grandmother Tarver told me. "The greatest gift you can give your kids is the example of a strong marriage." Focus inward. Always inward. Don't change others. Influence others.

Speaking of. There is a book I'm reading called ScreamFree Parenting and I love it! It helps the parent be the best person they are and focus less on the child. The word "parenting" has the word parent in it... not child. Parenting as a style that focuses on our responses to situations. I try my best in the professional world to live by "it's the situation and not the person." Don't take everything personally and realize you are stressed by the situation. Viola! It changes so much of your perspective.

So despite me trying to be a better person in my marriage and as a person, I seem to have a weakness. My fear of being imperfect. Who knew years of personal growth could waver at the site of a guilty pleasure bowl of reeses cups vanilla ice cream. Well. I'm still growing right? For some reason I don't take things as personally except for with the one person I know I can rely on and can be exactly who I want- me. I'm just a tad bit too hard on myself.

Oh well. My bowl is melting. Gotta run. Just 5.5ish weeks to go!

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