Thursday, December 30, 2010

I've got Bubbles!

BUT not the fun bubbles. The gas bubbles. The kind that make me queasy and uneasy.

So I thought I would be nauseaus. Not constantly bloaty icky. I should be counting my blessings. I'm eating food still, though limited. But holy cow I'm uncomfortable. I know that I wanted this. I know that sitting around because I'm tired isn't good for my digestion. But I can't help but think that maybe, just maybe I've made a huge mistake and that I want to take it back before I get sicker and sicker!

Thankfully Jenny McCarthy informed me that this is normal. And thankfully those thoughts are very slight and fleeting. Can I just say- what was God thinking? I'm supposed to be feeding a baby here. How can I do that if I am miserable?!!

Around 3 every day I get really really cold. OH grilled cheese!! Oh strawberries!! Strawberry shortcake!! See I get these thoughts about food. More than normal. Like torrets. The only thing that I hate about that is that it makes my mouth water. A lot. Like my stomach is half spit. Oh and also half snot. Guess who has a runny nose half the time!? No wonder I can't eat very much.

But the symptoms are really, more than anything, just making me tired and grumpy. I get down on myself because I don't work out. I try. I did steps last night for 12 mins. It felt like an eternity and I was pooped. Sad face.

Oh and the dreams! Forget that I can't hold a thought in my head or even finish sentences. I have dreams like crazy. They are super vivid dreams too. They have people I know in them way more than usual. And a good amount of them are sex dreams. Vivid sex dreams. Not so bad eh? Yeah unless it's not your idea of great sex. Then you wake up feeling kind of dirty. I get sucked into sleep already, but these dreams are intense.

What else? Oh yeah, it doesn't feel real yet. Honestly, I don't cup my stomach and call the baby sweet names. I cup my stomach at night a pray really hard. But I don't have that attachment yet. I think I'm just preparing myself for potential loss. I try not to think about loss though, so that I don't attract that into my life. I am over 8 weeks this weekend and I'll breathe a little bit easier, same with 10 weeks and 12 weeks.

Oh and I have itchy skin, zits, and my body odor is intensified by a million. Yay! My laundry list of complaints is over. I feel like listing them helps keeps them off my mind. I can release them and keep better focus on feeling happy and good and positive. I haven't been doing a good job of that.

On a different note, I was planning to sell our exercise bike, and now I'm desparate for it. I can't drag myself out of the house, so maybe I'll hold on to it for just a few months longer to use while I watch shows. I may change my mind tomorrow, because that is how I am lately, but we'll see once the term starts and I can go back to zumba and feel good enough to swim. Swimming is good, when you don't have acid threatening to flood out of you. Ick.

Ok this random rambling ends now.

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