I've taken to watching day time television. Something I promised myself I would NOT do while I stay at home. It is too lazy, endless, and draining. I always feel better if I read fun blogs and listen to an audiobook. There is no reason to get up off the couch if the tv is on- except to eat or pee.
So today I watched The Nate Berkus Show, The Talk, and in a moment I'll watch the first game show that I love- Let's Make a Deal!! Then... Ghost Whisperer comes on for 3 hours. That is 6 fucking hours of tv! Disgraceful.
Ok well I'm not going to be hard on myself right now. I'm exhausted. Really, I got so tired today. All I did was unload the dishwasher and make a few meals. FUCK! It's unreal and I try to explain it to Kris, but I'm not sick. He's there to wait on me like a doting husband, something else that makes me feel guilty, but that by the evenings I could care less about.
Today I did something I called the COMMERCIAL DASH! During The Talk I got up at every commercial to grab something and put it away. I stashed together some xmas leftovers. I put away some breakfast. I pulled out stuff to get me started on some dinner- early early dinner. I then tackled the cupboard! I started emptying it out and throwing stuff away!! I am taking a few commercial breaks off to recoup, because yes, those ups and downs exhausted me. Like I have the flu or something!!
So.... while I'm watching my other shows I'm going to do some more commercial jump ups to get some dinner started and the cupboards reorganized. I am praying for the best! I feel guilty when nothing gets done. Which is a feeling I've fostered for the last year now because it gets you up and being productive. Being comfortable with where you are at is when things get dangerous and later overwhelming. When I have slight discomfort about those dishes, I clean them, and then I feel rewarded. It's a good feeling. I feel more in control. AND since there is so little in this world to be in control of, this is one of those things, my house, that makes me feel mental when it's chaotic.
So more commercial dashes, more commercial clean ups and cooking, AND I get my tv and sitting around too!!!!!