Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I'm a hot air balloon... that will never see lift off

Today is the first big appointment! I hope it is perfect and has happy news. That's all I'll say about that.

I am constantly bloated. Like a giant hot air balloon. Just praying to fart or burp... even when I eat my healthiest it happens. It's of course worse when I have a chicken cheese quesedilla in the evening and when I have beans, dairy, sugar, and processed foods. So I am pretty much on the raw fruit, whole grain fiber, and meat (when I dig it) diet. I was great last night after some Olive Garden style chicken gnocchi soup. I didn't eat too much. AND I had dinner at 4:45pm. Essentially the rule now- don't eat late. Snack on fruit but if I eat, I will roll on the living room floor in pain and Kris will rub my back until I fart and this goes on all night. Kris is stricter with me now, watching what I eat and scolding me if I am doing something I know I shouldn't.

I think I broke my ear drums yesterday trying to go no. 2 (unsucessfully, twice). I was concentrating soo hard and my ears were ringing. And they continued to ring until I got in bed. And the are ringing now. I hope that's not a bad sign. I'm a little paranoid.

I'm putting on my lightest outfit, going to drink my water, have a lite soup lunch, and then pick Kris up for our appointment. We go on walks a couple times a week now. We talk about everything. His work. My plans. Our plans. Food. Ideas. And recently, lots of baby talk. What names do we want, want last name, what schooling, what bedroom... what the hell this list is long! But he understands I'm nervous. I want that confirmation that I'm pregnant and that the baby is real and ok. I understand that he really isn't sure what to expect and his anxiety will be in the aftermath. We both pray each day. I ask him, "Did you pray for our baby today?" And he'll say yes. Before I go to bed, I pray everything will be alright and my baby will grow to be an old happy lady/man. Wonderful thought, and I hold to it very tightly.

This appointment is nearly 6 months from when I last went. I was 24 lbs heavier then. I feel shallow trying to prove myself to a doctor, but I really want to be like, "TA DA I DID IT! I LOST WEIGHT! I got down to the number you said you wanted." I look more thin and proportionate. I have that tummy fat I didn't want because of ultra sounds, but that was a result of being pregnant. Not much I can do about that.

Onward and upward, never looking back!

No comments: