Tuesday, April 5, 2011

No air waves... means good air waves

No air waves for a while, must mean good news right? Well I don't have news on the health of the baby, other than it's strong and kicking and crazy strong and active. Oh and... IT'S A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After an April Fool's cake of red center and blue ringing the outside, we divined the cake (and provided clues) meant we were fooled AND expecting a little girl.



Grace E. Rihanna Grow Schuff. Huh.

Grace Emily Rihanna Grow Schuff. Haven't written/typed that out before. What a beautiful name, title even for a beautiful girl.

Now onto, is she healthy- did the ultrasound go good? Who the eff knows when it comes to the ultrasound?! I have one week until I see me doc. A new midwife no less. Which is nerve wracking- what if something is wrong? Delivery is everything to me. I'm easily freaked out. I don't know this woman, so I'm anxious. So I instructed Kris that he must go for this appointment, though he is hesitant to go to appointments because he feels so out of place. And if I get that vibe, I will straight out say, "If there is bad or iffy news, I need you to deliver it carefully." If my sister or mother were here they'd tell me I'm being stupid, this baby is healthy. Worrying isn't good for her. Right, well I try not to worry and there are moments of the day when I'm not perfect.

She, my daughter, (fun to say since it's so new) is like my heart, that's out of my chest and in my belly. Right now she is vulnerable because she is so small. She is so fragile and tiny and dependent. Soon she'll be bigger and louder and stronger, but she'll leave the comfort of my tummy and be out in the world vulnerable to viruses, broken bones, accidents. Then she'll be walking and she'll be vulnerable to boo-boos and owies and bumps and bonks. Then she'll be meeting people and kids and friends and her feelings will be vulnerable. So yeah, worrying that I won't get those other moments to worry about her vulnerabilities and kiss her boo-boos is scary. And finding out from an insensitive midwife would devastate me even worse. Worst case scenarios to the side, I think if we were in the danger zone I would have heard. I am keeping with my gut that no news is good news and my baby will be received by the midwife with a casual, "Yep, that's a perfectly healthy baby."

Watching Biggest Loser makes me realize the work that I did to lose weight. You forget the work, the strength, the discipline. You forget and that's when you make mistakes. Being pregnant changes it all. You eat for the baby and you indulge. You dip in the honey pot and you count your veggies... it's a paradox. A sweet tooth can kill, oh yes. And I don't want it to lead to a worse diet and gestational diabetes. So I'm tricking myself with frozen yogurt and berries and granola... that is after the ice cream is gone :P.

Being physically active has improved tremendously despite, DESPITE the fact that it is extremely busy this term and with more classes I've been repeatedly going and being turned away because the class is full. It's incredibly annoying. Yet, here I am, undeterred. I am taking the beating life is giving my motivation as a lesson to keep getting back up on that horse. SO what if I need to show up earlier, then do it and don't complain. This is just the way it is, and obviously there are LOTS of girls who want to do zumba classes that take it this way too. I need to take advantage of the other classes, not just zumba. I need to be flexible, not rigid. I need to be available and compromising. These lessons are coming and coming and coming and now I'm finally allowing them to be received and learn from them.

Some weeks are tougher than others. This week seems to be... ok. If I do some housework and some crafts I'll feel especially accomplished. With a gender in mind and countless fabrics for said gender, I can go CRAZY with projects! I will have this short window to actually have time to do my projects so I better get cranking! I have a little girl to clothe and surround with homemade love.


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